Hello, self-taught, solo-practioner, shy and a little confused!

Hello, My name is Tyler but I go by Taiga amongst furries and anyone else who wants to call me it. Many people just call me "Ty". I have been interested in Pagan paths for many years now (I don't remember how I got into it, in all honesty) and I've been self-taught completely. Of course using books and internet resources, but those can be confusing without having someone else to brainstorm with. I have one fur who I met at RMFC last year that is awesome and always willing to help when I have questions but doing it over the internet is different than doing it in person, face to face, real time responses.

I've been doing "Wicca: Year and a Day" by Timothy Roderick and I'm on day 9...and have been since January. Day 9 is within a week of meditation and I'm not very good at meditating. It's hard for me to quiet my mind without falling asleep, but the only time I'm able to meditate is at night. I'm currently working on rearranging parts of my room so I have this bench in front of my altar so I can sit on something that keeps my back straight and keeps me off the hardwood. It's difficult to pick it back up since I've not been doing it for months. I need help with meditating.

My mate is part of the Asatru faith and has found a Kindred around where he's stationed and he's just grown exponentially spiritually. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit jealous. It seems to make more sense and be easier (for lack of a better word) to have a group to work with and then maybe after that go solo instead of starting solo.

Going back to needing help, I know I'm a therian and for a long time I had dreams pertaining to it. Since life has changed, my ability to remember my dreams has been diminished but I've been told I can meditate and ask the animal who I believe is my "Spiritual Mother" in person (or Ether...w/e you wanna call it ;P) but I can't focus enough to get to that level.

Also, I'm trying to find that one Pagan path that suits me to a T.

Any tips? Any one in the Northern Colorado region willing to help me in person, at least a little bit? I apologize if this is very forward and brusque.

Okay, cry for help aside, a little more about me personally: I love plants. My mate says I have a problem since I have 6 ferns and many other potted plants filling up my tiny apartment sized house that has 5 inhabitants. I also love herbs. I want to have my own apothecary and be able to heal myself and my future family with the herbs I'll grow (once my garden gets better established). I much prefer eating a leaf of one of my plants than popping a pill. I've seen the negative side of pills and I don't like that. I'm the founder of Herbology_Furs on FA and I'm currently working on getting it into a decent and active group.

I love, what I believe is termed as Nature Crafting. Where you use things you find in nature (I've really only seen using pelts and bones) and re/make it into something exceptional. I've been delving into this craft a little myself and I own a few wonderful pieces from other artists. I love the feeling I get when I hold onto a pelt from an animal or touch the bones and feel that energy that inhabits them. Same with my plants, haha.

I love visual art and music. I can draw and paint decently well, but I'm always improving. I have no musical quality to me. I enjoy singing and dancing but by myself when there's no one else around me.

Rambling done! I'm so glad I found this site!